If you’re parenting a tween or teen, you’ve probably felt it — that slow shift as they start pulling away. The chats get shorter, the eye rolls more frequent, and suddenly the door to their room is shut more often than it’s open. This is a normal (and healthy) part of growing up. Our kids are figuring out who they are, and part of that process means leaning more on their friends and less on us. But it’s hard. And we know that conflict comes with the territory when we are raising teenagers. Whether it’s about phones, school stress, or staying out too late, the opportunities for conflict are pretty high. Without meaning to, a lot of our communication can start to sound like nagging, correcting, or reminding. Even neutral comments like “Did you do your homework?” or “Don’t forget your shoes” can come across as criticism. This is where holding on to the 5:1 rule can be super helpful. It comes from Dr. John Gottman, who has studied couples for decades a...
As September approaches, many (not all) of our kids will be feeling nervous about returning to school. New teachers, new friendships, new routines—these changes often bring a mixture of anticipation and unease. For us, it can be hard to watch our kids wrestle with worry, but it is helpful to remember that a little anxiety is not only normal, it can actually be beneficial. Essentially anxiety is the body’s way of saying: “Pay attention—something important is happening.” That slight knot in their tummies is not a malfunction; it is their nervous system preparing to adapt to change. Lisa Damour, clinical psychologist, often compares stress to exercise. Muscles grow when they are challenged, but only if the strain is manageable and followed by recovery. Emotional life works the same way. A new class, unfamiliar routines or meeting new classmates may feel uncomfortable, but these experiences help our kids to strengthen resilience and discover that they can cope with challe...