We all know someone, or maybe we are someone, who always says yes. Is anyone available to do the extra shift – yes, is anyone able to lend me money – yes, is anyone able to do my French homework – yes. Saying yes is good, in fact saying yes often creates opportunities and experiences that we otherwise might not have. Saying yes can also leave us feeling exhausted and resentful especially if we feel we don’t have much choice about what we say. The term psychologists use to describe someone who really struggles to disappoint other people is people pleasing. Being a people pleaser makes lots of sense, you feel good for helping, other people like you because you are always willing to help and you will be labelled reliable, good team player, always willing. These labels are attractive, they make us feel good and make us valuable to other people, reducing the risk of being pushed out of the group. So, what is the catch? Choice. Feeling like we have a choice to say yes or say
Imagine this scenario: You are walking along the corridor at work and you accidentally drop your bag and everything spills out all over the floor. Some people laugh, some people ignore you, some people stop and help you. We’ve all been there one way or another. We spill coffee on our white shirt just before an interview, we fail our driving test because we forget to check our mirrors, we try to make a joke and nobody laughs. This is part of being human. We all get things wrong and we all experience situations that don’t feel great. So, what happens after you drop your bag? How do you show up for yourself? If you are like the majority of humans, you have probably been pretty unkind to yourself in those moment – “you absolute loser, why can’t you just walk down the corridor without doing something stupid” or “why can everyone else mange to get to their desk without dropping their bag, I’m so clumsy” or any version of the above. And right now, you might be thinki