Much of what we feel comfortable talking about stems from our home environment. What was allowed and what wasn’t. Parts of our bodies smell bad sometimes, it is normal and part of being human. But what if, when we start to talk about the weird smell, we immediately get shut down “no more of that talk please” or “that’s private and not something you share.” Many of these comments are made from a place of good intention, we want our children to follow the social norms of whatever culture we live in. But when our children voice valid experiences and these valid experiences are hushed up or ignored this creates feelings of shame and isolation. If our body smells bad and we can’t talk about it we have no way of knowing that everyone’s body smells bad from time to time. If on the other hand we take a normalisation approach and say something like “tell me a bit more about it, my body sometimes smells bad too” …. This normalisation massively reduces shame, it shines an accepti
We all know someone, or maybe we are someone, who always says yes. Is anyone available to do the extra shift – yes, is anyone able to lend me money – yes, is anyone able to do my French homework – yes. Saying yes is good, in fact saying yes often creates opportunities and experiences that we otherwise might not have. Saying yes can also leave us feeling exhausted and resentful especially if we feel we don’t have much choice about what we say. The term psychologists use to describe someone who really struggles to disappoint other people is people pleasing. Being a people pleaser makes lots of sense, you feel good for helping, other people like you because you are always willing to help and you will be labelled reliable, good team player, always willing. These labels are attractive, they make us feel good and make us valuable to other people, reducing the risk of being pushed out of the group. So, what is the catch? Choice. Feeling like we have a choice to say yes or say