When Phone Use Becomes Emotional Coping: What a New Study Reveals About Kids and Screens

 

One of the most common clinical questions I get asked is about phones and social media. Many parents (myself included) are grappling with their child’s phone use and wondering whether it’s crossing the line into something more concerning. Our kids live in a world where phones, apps, and social media are deeply woven into daily life — and as parents, it’s incredibly hard to untangle what’s OK from what might be harmful.

A new study published in JAMA Pediatrics (June 2025) offers some timely insight — and tentative reassurance — for everyone trying to navigate this challenge.

This large-scale study followed more than 4,300 children aged 8 to 12 over four years. The researchers weren’t just measuring how much time kids spent on their phones — they were also looking at what they described as addictive patterns of use.

Importantly, addictive behaviours didn’t simply mean spending lots of time on phones or social media. It meant compulsive, emotionally fraught patterns of use, such as:

• Feeling unable to stop
• Experiencing stress or cravings when unable to use
• Letting screen time disrupt sleep, school, mood, or relationships

The findings were striking. Nearly half of the children in the study showed high levels of addictive phone use, and about 40% showed similar patterns with social media. Perhaps unsurprisingly, kids with high or increasing signs of addictive use were 2–3 times more likely to report mental health difficulties compared to peers with lower levels of problematic use. More surprisingly, overall screen time alone was not linked to increased mental health risk — it was the quality and impact of that use that mattered most.

This is an important distinction, because it shifts our attention away from how much time our kids spend on screens, and toward how that time affects them. Anyone living with a teenager who has a phone knows how easily screens can crowd out meaningful experiences — managing boredom, coping with social awkwardness, or engaging in spontaneous play. And we already know that these are essential for healthy emotional and social development. So perhaps the better question we should be asking is: why? Why do some of our kids struggle so much to put their phones down and engage in real life?

While the study didn’t dig deeply into the psychological why, it did offer several clues about what may be contributing to what researchers call “addictive use.”

A key part of growing up is learning how to manage difficult emotions — frustration, sadness, anger, envy. But instead of learning to tolerate discomfort, many kids are turning to phones or social media to cope with these completely normal but difficult feelings. These platforms offer fast relief — distraction, entertainment, or even a sense of connection — which can feel soothing in the moment. But over time, relying on screens to manage emotions can crowd out more helpful coping skills, like problem-solving, self-reflection, or talking things through with someone they trust. This isn’t a sign of failure — it’s a sign that they may need more support in learning to handle life’s ups and downs in healthier ways.

What makes this even trickier is the feedback loop the study describes: kids who already feel anxious or lonely may turn to their phones or social media for comfort. And while that might offer short-term relief, it often makes things worse in the long run. The more they rely on screens to escape uncomfortable feelings, the more those feelings tend to grow — especially if screen use starts interfering with sleep, friendships, or school. That leads to more stress, which leads to even more screen time. It’s a hard cycle to break without support.

At the same time, we can’t ignore that social media and gaming apps are designed to be engaging — even addictive — with dopamine-driven features that are especially difficult for developing brains to resist. For kids who don’t yet have strong emotional coping tools, it’s easy to see how phones become a quick way to “numb out.” This makes compassionate, skill-building support from adults more important than ever.

As parents, there are several ways we can support our tweens and teens…

Focus on how the phone is used, not just how much.
The study found that total screen time wasn’t strongly linked to mental health risks — but addictive patterns of use were. So instead of focusing on screen time it may be more helpful to pay attention to whether phone use is interfering with sleep, school, relationships, or emotional well-being.

Help kids build emotional coping skills.
Children with more addictive phone use often relied on screens to regulate boredom, sadness, or anxiety. That suggests we need to gently help them find healthier ways to manage tough feelings — through conversation, physical activity, hobbies, or even just learning to sit with discomfort.

Support boundaries and routines, especially around sleep.
Problematic phone use was strongly linked with disrupted sleep, which in turn worsened mental health. Creating screen-free times — like during meals, bedtime, or the first hour after waking — gives the brain space to rest and reset.

Stay curious and open — not controlling.
Our kids are more likely to open up about their digital lives if they don’t feel judged. Ask open-ended questions like, “How do you feel after being on that app?” or “What parts of social media do you enjoy — and what parts feel draining?” These kinds of questions keep the conversation going and help kids build their own awareness.

Model mindful tech use.
Our kids learn far more from what we do than what we say. When we model taking breaks, prioritizing rest, and staying present offline, those habits are more likely to take root in our kids.

Raising children in a digital world is no easy task, and there’s no perfect formula. But when we understand the deeper patterns driving screen use, we can offer our kids more empathy and support. If we focus less on control and more on connection — helping them build emotional skills and healthy routines — we give them what they really need: our calm, curious presence as they learn to navigate a complex online world.