The P in PERMA. Why positive emotions matter.

 

Now it will be no surprise to anyone that experiencing positive emotions lead to a happier life with greater wellbeing.  But this is only half the story. Barbara Fredrickson, an eminent researcher in this field, has discovered something amazing.  Essentially when we experience positive emotions our brains literally start working in a different gear.   We can take in more information, we become more sociable and our capacity to learn increases.  This is why some days learning is so much easier than others and why our little and big people are so much more receptive to new ideas or information when they are in a positive emotional state.  Barbara calls this the broaden and build theory, positive emotions broaden our thinking ability and we can use this ability to build new skills. 

So how do we support more positive emotion in our households? One simple way is gratitude - paying attention to the things we are grateful for.

For more than a decade Robert Emmons has been studying the effects of gratitude on our physical health, our psychological wellbeing and on our relationships with others.  The results, which have been replicated many times, are astounding.

Physical

·       Stronger immune systems

·       Less bothered by aches and pains

·       Lower blood pressure

·       Exercise more and take better care of their health

·       Sleep longer and feel more refreshed upon waking

Psychological

·       Higher levels of positive emotions

·       More alert, alive, and awake

·       More joy and pleasure

·       More optimism and happiness

Social

·       More helpful, generous, and compassionate

·       More forgiving

·       More outgoing

·       Feel less lonely and isolated.

It’s a pretty impressive list!  The part we are interested in for the purposes of this blog is the significant boost to our positive emotions.  (If you are interested in understanding more about the science of gratitude, please see previous blog)  

Why does gratitude boost our positive emotions?  

It works in a number of ways.  Firstly, by looking for the good stuff our mind has no choice but to shift from its natural negativity bias and pay attention to the things that we are grateful for in that moment.  Secondly, when we express gratitude, our dopamine and serotine levels increase which gives us all that lovely feeling of contentment.  Thirdly, the more we consciously practice gratitude the stronger the neural pathway becomes until eventually our brains start to notice the good stuff all by itself.  When this happens, we start to experience a greater sense of contentment through the day. It's a win win situation. 

Putting this into practice

There are so many ways we can develop a gratitude practice.  At the simplest level it is literally stopping and writing down three things that you are grateful for today.  The ordinary moments – the person who held the door open for you, getting to drink your coffee while it is still hot, finding a parking place when you are already running late.  When we do this consistently, we are creating a gratitude pathway in our brain which will become stronger and more automatic over time.  Many people like to do this just before bed, some like to do it first thing in the morning.  It doesn’t matter, it just matters that we do it consistently. 

Another lovely way to do this in a family with younger children is to create space at dinnertime when everyone has the opportunity to say one or two things that they are grateful for that day.   In our house it is normally things like ice cream for pudding, watching a TV programme or something funny that happened that day.  Some days the kids will join in and sometimes they wouldn’t and that’s OK.  This is always a choice rather than an expectation.  

Another very simple way to introduce positive emotions is to watch something funny or captivating.  This morning we had two very grumpy children in our house.  They were tired and the prospect of another full week at school was not exciting them.  They didn’t want to choose their breakfast or get dressed or even answer questions about any of the above.  This situation has so much potential to escalate.  We keep asking, they keep ignoring us, we keep asking….. until someone flips their lid and everyone is left feeling upset. 

This morning we did something different.   We are big Marvel fans in our house and a new trailer had just dropped.  So instead of following through on our requests we took a break and their dad showed them the new Marvel movie trailer.  What happened as they watched the trailer was their mindset shifted out of “It’s Monday morning I can’t be bothered” to “this is really exciting when will it be in the cinema”.  From there they were much more able to think about their breakfast choice and getting their homework finished.  Of course, this will not always work and it’s not very often we have something as exciting as a new movie trailer.  But it is always helpful to pay attention to their emotional state and wonder about what small thing might help to change this up.   It might be a Marvel trailer, it might be a funny clip on you tube, it could be thinking about your summer holiday and having a quick search of places you might go.  Sometimes it will work and sometimes it wouldn’t and that is OK. 

Our emotional state matters to us and our children - trying to work out a complicated solution to a maths problem or organising the logistics for the week is so much harder if we are experiencing negative emotions.  Take a break, think about what you are grateful for or watch a funny you tube video.  This will not take the negative emotions away but it will hopefully make room for a shot of positive emotions which may be enough to broaden your brain’s ability to get the maths problem done.

The next blog will focus on the E in PERMA.  Why engagement matters.