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The M in PERMA. Why meaning matters.


 

When I talk to people in my clinic, they will often say something like “I just want to be happy”. And why not, we all want to feel more happiness in our lives.  But maybe chasing happiness is not the best way to actually achieve more happiness….  we now have so much research which tells us that putting our efforts into pursuing meaning and purpose rather than happiness contributes much more to our wellbeing. 

Martin Seligman defines meaning as being part of or belonging to something bigger than ourselves. His research suggests that being able to contribute and belong to something meaningful creates a sense of purpose in our lives.  And it is this sense of purpose that nudges us closer to a flourishing wellbeing. 

Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning proposes that there are two different kinds of meaning.  The big M meaning which is about the meaning of life.  This meaning is about finding a grand purpose in life – this might be researching a cure for cancer, preventing global warming or eliminating poverty.  Some of us have this and some of us don’t and that’s OK.  The second type of meaning is the meaning in life.  This is much more about finding meaning in the small ordinary moments.  For many of us this is connecting with other people, being a good parent, becoming more knowledgeable in our area of interest.  

Our sense of meaning is guided by our personal values and is something that is accessible at any time in our lives.  When we connect our values to our lives this gives us more meaning and purpose.  As James Clear surmises in his book Atomic Habits “every action we take is a vote for the person we wish to become”. 

Putting this into practice

Identify your values – what are the things that are most important to you  

What would I like people to remember about me?

What am I doing when I feel most fulfilled and satisfied?

Make values useful - moving values from BS to behaviour (Brene Brown)  

              What are the behaviours I do that support this value?

              What are the slippery behaviours that let me know I am working outside of my values?

              What are the smallest steps I can take to support this value?

Values as signposts - using our values to identify what we care about the most 

Will the decision I am about to make take me closer too or father away from the person I wish to be?

For many of us what gets in the way of purpose and meaning is the overwhelming task of finding our one true purpose.  And this is not necessary.  Meaning and purpose is something that can be developed in many areas of our lives.  It is not generally something we find but rather something we deliberately cultivate and nourish throughout our lives with deliberate acts of reflection and commitment.  A little bit like happiness, meaning is not a destination but rather a north star that guides us on our journey and takes us closer to a flourishing wellbeing.   

The final blog in this series will focus on the A in PERMA.  Why achievement matters.

 

 

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