Skip to main content

The A in PERMA. Why achievement matters


 

One of the most exciting discoveries in the past 20 years is the fact that our brains are constantly changing.   Psychologists call this neuroplasticity and essentially what this means is that our remarkable brains can continue to grow and evolve in response to the experiences that it is exposed to. And this can happen all the way through our lives.

Understanding and believing that our brains can get better with time and effort is possibly one of the most important pieces of information both for ourselves and for our children.  Carol Dweck has carried out extensive research in this area and identified two types of mindsets:  

Growth mindset - a belief that our intelligence and our general ability can be improved with support and hard work

Fixed mindset – a belief that our intelligence and ability can’t change regardless of what we do

As you can probably imagine the first one creates high levels of motivation while the second one can generate feelings of helplessness for both children and adults alike.  Of course, having a fixed or growth mindset is not static for any of us.  We are all a mix and sometimes our ability to access our growth mindset can feel really challenging, and that’s OK that is being human.  It is just important to recognise that when we believe (or our children believe) that our brains can get stronger, we are so much more motivated to put the time and effort into our aspirations.

This is significant because when we talk about achievement in PERMA, we are not necessarily talking about the end product but rather that lovely sense of accomplishment we feel when we are working hard towards a goal.    When we experience a sense of achievement – completing the house work, finishing a paper or creating a nice dinner we all experience a hit of dopamine.  You know that lovey feel good neurotransmitter that just makes us feel great.  And this is hugely relevant because when our brains experience a hit of dopamine it motivates us to do more…. in order to get more. 

To experience achievement, it really isn’t about reaching big grand goals but rather taking small steps towards this goal each day.  I want to be a writer so each day I set myself the task of writing for 10 minutes.  The satisfaction I feel when I can tick this small achievement off each day gives me a hit of dopamine and also a lovely feeling of pride as I see my writing blog grow.  And this is what brings me back the next day for the next 10 minutes, my brain wants more dopamine and I get to experience an ongoing sense of accomplishment and pride which nudges me a little bit closer to flourishing.

Putting this into practice

·       Identify something you would like to get better at - this might be writing a blog, learning the piano, or maybe teaching yourself how to do a French braid (very tricky by the way!)

·       Break it down into small manageable steps.  Even committing to 1 minute a day has the power to create a sense of achievement.  As James Clear tells us it is about consistency over intensity.

·       Sit back and enjoy the gorgeous energy that comes with a dopamine hit and use this energy to help you to show up again the next day.   

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When Presence is the Intervention

  Parenting teenagers is a paradox. They desperately want independence but still need us close by.     They long for connection but often push it away. For so many of us, this stage feels like walking a tightrope — we try to be close without crowding, to be supportive without smothering. It’s confusing. The teen years bring rapid brain development: emotional centres like the amygdala and limbic system are highly active, while the prefrontal cortex — responsible for planning, impulse control, and perspective-taking — is still developing. So, our teenagers feel their feelings so intensely but don’t yet have the full capacity to manage them.   And while this makes for many hard moments, it’s important because this is what pushes our teens to test boundaries, take risks, and practice independence — all crucial steps in becoming capable, self-reliant adults. So where does that leave us, apart from feeling discombobulated.   This leaves us with presence.   ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Why do we suddenly feel about 12 when we arrive home for Christmas

  If we are lucky, we had pretty good childhoods — some messy bits, some lovely bits — and yet heading back to our family home can still bring up a lot of tricky feelings. We walk through the door, smell something familiar, hear the same old jokes, and suddenly we feel a bit different. A bit younger. A bit touchier. A bit more sensitive. If that happens to you, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong. It’s simply how our brains work. When we return to places where we learned, grew, argued, and at least partially became who we are, our bodies remember the emotional atmosphere of those years. Psychologists call this “state-dependent memory,” and what it means is that certain rooms, voices, and routines wake up old emotional patterns — even if our adult lives feel stable and healthy. Our families also have a way of nudging us back into our old roles without meaning to. Maybe we were the bossy one, or the peacemaker, or the “easy” child who didn’t make waves. We might not play those role...
Post a Comment
Read more

Parenting: Looking Back on a Tricky Christmas with Teens.

  In my clinic, in the weeks after Christmas, a familiar pattern often emerges in conversations with parents of teenagers. There is disappointment that time together felt tense rather than warm, or that connection seemed harder to reach. Many of us find ourselves wondering whether this is simply how things are now, or whether something has gone wrong. For families with teenagers, a difficult Christmas is not a sign of failure. Christmas amplifies everything. Routines fall away, sleep patterns change, social demands increase, and private space shrinks. At the same time, expectations rise. As parents, we desperately want closeness, fun, and shared moments. For our teens — who are already managing heightened emotions and a growing need for independence — this combination can feel overwhelming. Developmental psychology helps make sense of this. We know our teens experience emotions more intensely than we do, and we know the brain systems responsible for emotional regulation, impulse co...
Post a Comment
Read more