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The Surprising Benefits of Back to School Nerves

 


As September approaches, many (not all) of our kids will be feeling nervous about returning to school. New teachers, new friendships, new routines—these changes often bring a mixture of anticipation and unease. For us, it can be hard to watch our kids wrestle with worry, but it is helpful to remember that a little anxiety is not only normal, it can actually be beneficial.

Essentially anxiety is the body’s way of saying: “Pay attention—something important is happening.”  That slight knot in their tummies is not a malfunction; it is their nervous system preparing to adapt to change.

Lisa Damour, clinical psychologist, often compares stress to exercise. Muscles grow when they are challenged, but only if the strain is manageable and followed by recovery. Emotional life works the same way. A new class, unfamiliar routines or meeting new classmates may feel uncomfortable, but these experiences help our kids to strengthen resilience and discover that they can cope with challenge.

Each time our kid feel nervous, works through it, and discovers they can manage, new connections are formed. Over time this builds a pattern of resilience: the understanding that “I can feel worried and still carry on.”

Emotions are not problems to be solved but experiences to be acknowledged. When we calmly recognise their worries—without rushing to fix them—our kids learn that anxiety can be tolerated. It comes, it passes, and life carries on.

A few simple strategies that will help:

Name and validate feelings – Acknowledging emotions (“You seem nervous about tomorrow and that makes sense”) helps our kids feel understood which activates emotional regulation. 

Create calm routines – Predictable routines reduce uncertainty and stress, at the start of the school year it helps to keep old routines as stable as possible… dinner, bedtime, dog walks…

Offer small exposures – Go to the school, walk around, find out where their locker is - this will increase predictability and lower anxiety  

Reflect on successes – Pay attention to all the small brave steps – the way we notice and talk about our kids shape how they see themselves.  Anxiety always sits alongside bravery.     

Of course, the amount of anxiety matters. Too much anxiety—especially if it hangs around—can make it much harder for our kids to engage with school. Neuroscience shows that prolonged stress can disrupt executive functions in the brain, the very skills our children need for learning. All of our kids need opportunities to manage uncertainty and to learn that it’s possible to feel worried about something and do it anyway. Some children can face their fears all at once, while others need a slower, more step-by-step approach—and that’s completely okay. Taking things in small, manageable steps helps anxious kids feel safe and supported as they build confidence at their own pace.

 


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