There
is no joy without gratitude
Brene
Brown
As we come to the end of an
incredibely difficult year it feels really hard to look back with anything
remotely close to gratitude. The losses
we all experienced and continue to experience are hard to accept and many of us
are currently experiencing fatigue, low mood and significant episodes of
anxiety.
When we are in the midst of a
global pandemic, that seems to be getting progressively worse rather than
better, turning our attention to the things we are grateful for is hard. And
yet this is probably one of the most important things we can do in terms of our
wellbeing. Dr Robert Emmons who is a leading gratitude researcher says “crisis
can make us more grateful and gratitude can also help us to cope with
crisis. Consciously cultivating an
attitude of gratitude builds up a sort of psychological immune system that can
cushion us when we fall”.
Our brains are wired with
something called a negativity bias; this essentially means that we are all
incredibely good at spotting the negative things in our lives but not so great
at spotting the positives. You all know
the scenario, you have five interactions in one day, four of them positive and
one of them not so much. Sitting on your
sofa that evening which interaction is your mind showing up with - Yup that’s
right… the one that didn’t go very well.
This negativity bias is hard wired and with good reason. Our ancestors needed to be able to spot the
threats in their environments in order to survive. The cavemen who allowed their attention to
focus on the beautiful tree instead of the sabre-toothed tiger lurking in the
grass didn’t make it very far!
So, if we know that our brains
are hard wired for negativity where does this leave us, especially in the
middle of a global pandemic? This is where it gets really exciting. Our amazing
wonderous brains are changing all the time depending on the experiences we
expose them to. David Eagleman, a
renowned neuroscientist from Stanford University, calls this ability live
wiring. He writes “our machinery isn’t fully preprogrammed, but instead
shapes itself by interacting with the world, you are a different person than
you were this time last year, because the gargantuan tapestry of your brain has
woven itself into something new”.
This is really significant because it is telling us that our brain is
constantly changing in response to how we are spending our time. And amazingly
we have, in our agency, the ability to model and change the very structures of
our brain.
What this means is that although
our brain is wired through evolution for negativity, we can actually change and
strengthen our brains in remarkably positive ways. By adopting a conscious practice of gratitude
(rather than an attitude of gratitude) the benefits to our wellbeing are
remarkable.
Gratitude...
·
Improves general wellbeing
·
Increases resilience
·
Reduces stress and low mood
·
Improves our relationships
And if all if this isn’t enough
the research also tells us that gratitude will improve our immune system, lower
our blood pressure and brings us more restful and restorative sleep.
So how can we tap into these
benefits?
A practice of gratitude
essentially means noticing the good stuff in the world. This doesn’t mean we ignore the tough stuff
we all experience in our lives from time to time. It just means increasing our focus on the
good stuff even in the midst of some really tough stuff.
There are lots of different ways
to develop this practice but what’s important to remember is that gratitude
builds gratitude – our brain changes with experience and the more we consciously
practice gratitude the more our brain will start to automatically practice
gratitude.
Now remember our brain is not
very good at noticing the good stuff and even when it does it doesn’t tend to
stick around for very long. So whatever
practice we adopt it needs to allow us to firstly notice the positive stuff and
secondly give us a means of holding onto it for long enough to create positive
structural changes in the brain.
Here are some simple ideas…
Three things for 21 days
According to Harvard researcher
Shawn Achor, if we write down three things we are grateful for and continue to
do this for 21 days this will train our brain to change the way it perceives
the world. Structuring our brain to scan
for the positive lovely stuff that we often don’t even register. It’s that simple!!
But it is worth remembering that
in order to keep your brain engaged in the process, because we know our brains
love novelty, it’s important to keep your entries novel and specific. So instead of writing “I am grateful for my
health” try “I am grateful for my healthy body that allowed me to walk 3km this
morning”.
Write about a positive
experience
Take time to recall something
positive that happened and write down absolutely everything you can remember
about the experience. By recalling in
detail something positive your brain recognises it as meaningful and creates a
stronger memory. And because your brain
can’t tell the difference between something that is actually happening and a detailed
visual recall of the event you get to experience the lovely feel good feeling a
second time.
Teatime gratitude ritual
A simple way to introduce this
within families is creating a space after dinner or before bed when everyone
has the opportunity to name a few things they are grateful for that day. In my family it’s generally things like, the
ice cream on the way home from school, a homework free evening or maybe
something funny the dog did that day. It
doesn’t need to be complicated it just needs to be meaningful to that individual.
Lastly…
We could all do with a little bit
more positivity, especially now.
Practising gratitude and encouraging our children to practice gratitude
will not take away the current losses and threats but what it will do is allow
us to make a little bit more room for all those small wonderful things that we
may be failing to notice.
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