Skip to main content

The teenage brain for teenagers

 



So how much do you know about your brain? I am guessing probably not a lot and actually none of us knew very much about the teenage brain until about 20 years ago.  We used to think that all of our brain development happened in our early years but now we know this is not the case. 

In actual fact your brain goes through some pretty phenomenal changes that start when you begin puberty and actually don’t finish until you get to your mid-twenties.  That’s right your brain is not fully developed until 25 at the earliest, maybe even a little bit later.

The first thing to know is that different parts of our brain develop at different speeds.  One of the first parts of your brain to develop is called the limbic system where the amygdala lives.  This is the part of your brain that is responsible for all of your emotional reactions – anger, sadness, excitement and is also the part that is responsible for keeping you safe by activating your flight, flight, freeze response.  This is a brilliant and very important part of our brain, but it is not great at making good decisions.  For good decisions we need the part of our brain called the prefrontal cortex – this is the part that sits just behind our forehead and is often called the control tower  - this is the part that helps us to plan, organise, think about potential consequences and is really good at helping us to manage our big feelings like frustration or anger.  The trouble is this is the part of our brain that is under construction in adolescence and will not be fully functional until you are at least 25.  What this means is that during your teenage years (like now) many of your decisions will be much more influenced by the emotional rather than the rational part of the brain.   

Now this is not all bad news.  Our brains develop like this for a very good reason - to help us to make the transition into adulthood.  To become brave independent adults, we (and our parents!) need to embrace these changes and start exploring the big amazing world we live in. 

So, what do you need to know about the adolescent brain? According to Dan Siegel, who knows a lot about the brain, there are four things we need to hold in mind….

1.      As teenagers you are going to experience your emotions much more intently than at other times in your life.  And this is fantastic because it is these intense emotions that drive your big bright shining passion and vitality come from encouraging you to try new things and engage with new people.  The tricky part of this is that it can make life less predictable, because one thing we know for sure is that emotions in adolescence can change very rapidly, sometimes making for a very bumpy ride.

2.  Another big change that happens in adolescence is that your friends and being part of a peer group becomes super important.  This is why it can feel so painful when we experience difficulties in our friendship group.  The other thing you will notice is that while your friends become more and more important the relationship between you and your parents/carers might start to feel different and less close something that can feel a bit weird and unsettling.  But remember this is happening for a reason, the main job of adolescence is to get you ready for adulthood and the changes in your brain will be pushing you towards your peers and a little bit further away from your parents to help you to make this transition.   

3.    As a teenager you love new things, particularly new things that are a little (or a big) bit risky.  This drive to try new things is really important and will give you lots of motivation to explore and challenge yourself.  The tricky part of these brain changes is that you will probably focus on the thrill and excitement and not think very much about the potential risk. This is because the part of your brain that is good at considering the consequences is under construction and not working very well as a result.  So, if at all possible, it’s always helpful to PAUSE and have a quick think about what you are about to do before you do it.  Easier said than done, I know!!

4.     As a teenager your brain is beginning to be able to think in much more complex ways and because your brain is designed to push away from adult ideas you will often feel like questioning the adults around you and pushing against boundaries.  Sometimes this can feel a bit unsettling, especially when you suddenly realise your parents/carers are not so clever after all and actually are just normal fallible human beings (or maybe you knew this already😊)  However, the massively positive side to all of this is your ability to imagine all sorts of new things and it’s because of this that teenagers are often really good at coming up innovative and exciting solutions to all sorts of difficulties that adults are unable to resolve.

Finally…

Your teenage brain is amazing.  And although all the changes can be difficult to make sense of it is because of these changes that adolescence is a time of remarkable opportunity, creativity and energy. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why Boredom Is the Best Thing About Summer for Our Kids

  We’re only a few weeks into summer, and I’m guessing many of us are already hearing the familiar cry from our kids: “I’m bored!” It’s such a natural parenting instinct to try and fix it right away—we set up activities, we turn on a screen, or we jump in to entertain them. But boredom isn’t something we need to rush to solve. In fact, it can be surprisingly good for our kids’ developing brains. Boredom is like your brain’s way of nudging you and saying, “Hey, let’s go find something new to do!.”  And it doesn’t feel great but when our kids sit with that feeling instead of escaping it, their brains start connecting old ideas with new ones. That mix of daydreaming and problem-solving is exactly how creativity begins. And something powerful happens when our kids work out what to do on their own. They are using the “planning” part of the brain that helps with independence and decision-making. And when they invent their own fun, the brain gives a bigger dose of the feel-good c...
Post a Comment
Read more

When Phone Use Becomes Emotional Coping: What a New Study Reveals About Kids and Screens

  One of the most common clinical questions I get asked is about phones and social media. Many parents (myself included) are grappling with their child’s phone use and wondering whether it’s crossing the line into something more concerning. Our kids live in a world where phones, apps, and social media are deeply woven into daily life — and as parents, it’s incredibly hard to untangle what’s OK from what might be harmful. A new study published in JAMA Pediatrics (June 2025) offers some timely insight — and tentative reassurance — for everyone trying to navigate this challenge. This large-scale study followed more than 4,300 children aged 8 to 12 over four years. The researchers weren’t just measuring how much time kids spent on their phones — they were also looking at what they described as addictive patterns of use . Importantly, addictive behaviours didn’t simply mean spending lots of time on phones or social media. It meant compulsive, emotionally fraught patterns of use,...
Post a Comment
Read more

The 5:1 Rule: A Simple Way to Stay Connected with Your Teen

  If you’re parenting a tween or teen, you’ve probably felt it — that slow shift as they start pulling away. The chats get shorter, the eye rolls more frequent, and suddenly the door to their room is shut more often than it’s open. This is a normal (and healthy) part of growing up. Our kids are figuring out who they are, and part of that process means leaning more on their friends and less on us. But it’s hard.   And we know that conflict comes with the territory when we are raising teenagers.   Whether it’s about phones, school stress, or staying out too late, the opportunities for conflict are pretty high. Without meaning to, a lot of our communication can start to sound like nagging, correcting, or reminding. Even neutral comments like “Did you do your homework?” or “Don’t forget your shoes” can come across as criticism. This is where holding on to the 5:1 rule can be super helpful.     It comes from Dr. John Gottman, who has studied couples for decades a...
Post a Comment
Read more