Coming to the end of the summer is always difficult, no more long bright evenings, no more sea swimming and no more socialising in the safety of our gardens. This year we are all going to feel this much more acutely. The second lockdown feels daunting, it’s no longer a novelty and sadly the darker evening and colder winds make it more difficult to feel optimistic about our ability to manage this second time around.
What many of us normally do in
these situations is to reach for what research call quick fixes, eating more of
our favourite foods, spending more time indoors on screens and generally
hunkering down and going into hibernation mode.
And all of this is understandable, especially given the extraordinary
impact COVID 19 has on what we can and can’t do. However, what we know from the science is
that now, perhaps more than ever, we need to be very mindful of keeping our
wellbeing topped up.
Here are five simple ideas from
Laurie Santos, Professor of Psychology at Yale University, to hold in mind over
the coming months
Exercise
We all know that exercise is good
for us, it strengthens our bodies and makes us physically more resilient. But do you also know that exercise is linked to our overall wellbeing and happiness even for those of us
living with significant mental or physical health challenges. Exercise gives us more energy, reduces stress
and anxiety, improves our sleep and increases our ability to focus and problem solve. In short getting into a regular exercise habit
is one of the surest ways to boost your wellbeing. And the best part is that it really doesn’t
matter what you do, a walk in the park, a slow jog, a swim in the local pool. The key is to find something that is easily
accessible and doesn’t require a massive amount of time. One researcher
I know started to sleep in his running clothes because this reduced the effort required
in the morning and made it much more likely that he would actually run. Now I am not suggesting that we all start
sleeping in our running gear but it is helpful to start with something that requires minimum effort and to gradually build it up.
Gratitude
All of our minds are wired for
something called a negativity bias which essentially means our brains are
like Teflon for the positive things and Velcro for the negative things (Risk Hanson). We all know the scenario, we have 1 difficult
and 7 positive conversations with our colleagues and when we get home that
evening (or come back into the kitchen if we are currently working from home)
the only conversation we are able to think about is that 1 difficult
conversation. However, we now know that
we can actually retrain our minds to focus on the most positive things simply
by paying attention to the things that we are grateful for. I know it feel too simple but that’s
it!
We just need to jot down some of
the things we are grateful for each day
- in fact the data suggests that if you can find three things to
be grateful for each day for 2 weeks this can significantly improve your
wellbeing. This doesn’t mean that we ignore
the tricky stuff it just means that we are training our brain to also pay
attention to the good stuff.
So just start with the basics –
the delicious cup of coffee when you woke up this morning or the convenient parking
space you find near the supermarket when it’s raining. Sometimes it can be about the people, the
smile from your colleague when you arrive into work, the reassuring
conversation with your boss. What you
will find over time is that your brain starts to automatically look for the positive
stuff.
Sleep
Sleep is a key player in terms of
overall happiness, resilience and wellbeing and yet it is often something that
we really struggle with. For many of us
our relationships with our phones and other devices makes it difficult to
switch off at a reasonable hour and get our brains ready for sleep. And we know from the research that sleep deprivation
(which is anything less than 7 hours a night) is linked to all sorts of
difficulties including low mood, increased anxiety, memory and problem-solving
difficulties and even our weight and physical health.
So, what can we do…
·
Create a consistent bedtime and stick with it even
at the weekends. Our brains love predictability and will respond really well to
this
·
Put all screens away at least one hour before you
go to sleep. The lights from our screens tell our brains it’s still time to play
which can block the release of melatonin
·
Keep your room as dark as possible and try and
use natural light to wake up (not so easy in the winter I know)
·
Be careful about the temperature in your room,
prioritise a warm bed over a warm room
·
Reduce your caffeine intake in the evening
And perhaps most importantly give
yourself permission to go to bed early.
Get Social
Every available piece of research tells us that social people are happier people and what’s more happier people
allow social time to take a privileged position in their day. What this means is that when the going gets
tough happier people prioritise their relationships instead of pushing them to
the bottom of the pile. Sometimes this can feel really hard, often
when we are having a challenging time our instinct is to pull up the drawbridge
and reduce our contact with others. But
the data is clear, the simple act of being with other people and making space
in our lives to connect makes us feel better and greatly contributes to our
overall wellbeing and resilience.
This doesn’t have to be
complicated. It can be a quick coffee or a chat on the phone. Where possible communicate with your voice, hearing the voice
of the person we care about provides an extra boost. So next time you want to
get in touch think about leaving a voice message and feel confident that you
are providing an extra special boost to someone who may need it in these difficult times.
Stay with your emotions
Laurie Santos says that to cope
we sometimes just need to be with our emotions. Normally when things are hard
most of us just want to get rid of the horrible feeling – run away from our
anxiety, or sadness and try our very hardest not to feel any of those difficult
emotions. But the more we try and get
away from how we are feeling one of two things happen. We either fail miserably
in our attempts to block them out or we succeed and push them so far down we
end up supressing them which is always unhelpful in terms of our wellbeing.
To support us with this Tara Brack has developed a
popular meditation technique called RAIN. It is a really simple method to allow
us to lean into our emotions rather than trying to avoid them. The acronym stands for Recognise, Accept,
Investigate, and Nurture.
So, let’s say you have been
watching the news and you start to notice yourself beginning to feel the very
normal feeling of anxiety – you might notice your heart beating a little bit
faster, your legs and arms might start to feel a little tense.
·
This is where it can be really helpful just to RECOGNISE
what is happening and say something like “Ah this is just anxiety” and
take five minutes to ACCEPT that this is what you are experiencing in that
moment. A lovely way to do this is using
the simple phrase ‘I am feeling anxious for now’.
·
The next part is INVESTIGATING how the emotion
feels in our bodies – where can we feel it in our body – is it giving you
butterflies, is it making your hands feel sweaty – and this is really important
because if you can shift yourself from the fighting position to the curious
position you can actually take some of the weight of the emotion away.
·
Finally, you can engage in the N which is
NURTURE. Often when we are feeling overwhelmed by our emotions, we are not very
nice to ourselves, we often berate ourselves for feeling the way we do and
interpret it as a sign of weakness.
Taking a nurturing position, we are actually trying to do the
opposite. One helpful way to do this is
to consider what would you say to a friend or a young child if they were
experiencing what you are experiencing – chances are this will activate so much
more compassion and kindness.
Finally
Life is hard at the moment. We are all coping with multiple losses and
trying our best to keep going. If we can
recognise the fundamental importance of looking after our own wellbeing and
give ourselves permission to prioritise this our ability to manage the current uncertainty
and support those around us will be so much higher.
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